Dude Looks Like a Lady
by Ilandere Okami
Summary: Mello's the new kid at school and is imediately forced to ask Matt to the girls' choice dance under the pretense that he's a girl. Matt accepts, of course, but is in for a night of surprises. MelloxMatt


**Author's Note: A Matt/Mello fanfic based after the song "Dude (Looks like a Lady)" Besides the song, I also blame DIMS and the story "You've Got Mail." READ IT! Anyways, I think you guys have the gist of what's gonna happen etc just from the summary. I also blame the story "Abject Confusion," which gave my inspiration back for this story. THANX! And it's an awesome story, so read that as well.**

**Anyways, if any of my watchers are wondering why the hell I'm writing a one-shot instead of working on other stories, I have a few things to say. 1: Read my profile, mainly the section about "priorities" 2: Read my blog; link in profile.**

**I just thought this would be fun to write, to get my mind off everything, and actually write a MelloxMatt story. And if you guys don't know, Formal is a dance at my school where girls ask guys to. I don't remember what time of year it's supposed to be in, so I'm just using the spring 'cause love is in the air and it's too cold in the winter…Formal used to be called Turnabout when my mom went to high school a million years ago, just so you know.**

**Matt's POV because I said so. Mells was about to get a part, but I wanna leave the reader in the dark. I'm cruel like that. And the weird present tense thing? Uh…Don't ask. All I'm saying is that it's hard to stay that way for a whole story. Oh, and Matt wears the same sweater every day b/c I don't want him to wear the same shirt every day. End of story. And golf was the only sport I thought Matty would play, and I needed to give him some sort of sport…*sigh*. And it sorta became a serious class-clashing thing for no reason. Hehe ^-^'**

**Warning: Spoilers for Near's and L's real names. And yaoi, duh. And a shitload of swearing. Haha, redundant.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or its characters. Nor do I own the song "Dude (Looks like a Lady)" by Aerosmith. However, I do own this storyline.**

**PS, the "Skillet and Aerosmith FTW" jab in the story's just what I said: a jab at the title, as well as my fave band ever that I think this Matty would luv.  
PPS, Mello says he's from Europe but has no accent. That's 'cause Mello's so awesome he can easily get rid of an accent, duh! Just to clarify some things.**

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Dude Looks like a Lady

Hmm…She looks okay. Her hair pulled back, showing off her cute ears with their simple earrings. Her smile's nice, her eyes…okay. I really go for the eyes, though, so that was a turn off. But her chest…well I'd be happy with just the amount of half of it! Wait, she's walking over to me. What do I say? Do I smile or act cool? Talk to her or let her start?

Damn, I really need to stop overanalyzing everything like one of my video games.

"Excuse me?" she asks in a sweet voice. It's a smaller voice than I would've thought.

I look at her through my goggles. Oh, man, I really should've taken them off. I've been told I have pretty good eyes myself, which is probably part of the reason I pay so much attention to other's eyes. But I still like hiding behind them, not letting others see inside me, into my soul. Yeah, I believe that kind of crap, but what is a guy who reads romance novels supposed to believe? That's he's gay? I don't think so. "Yeah?" I reply nonchalantly.

She stops smiling. Wait, am I turning her away? Oh, I should've just gone with my normal personality…if I had one, that is. "You're in front of my locker," she says.

"Oh." Oh. I step aside and walk away, seemingly unfazed. That is, until I reach the men's room, and slide into one of the stalls. It is the middle of one of the lunch periods, so it's deserted. That's when I break down. Well, I didn't all out cry, like some sissy, but I did shake with unleashed tears. Needing to calm down, I take out my iPod and listen to some of my favorite music. I didn't want to get in trouble for bringing a video game to school…again…so I left my DS at home. Otherwise, I would totally be playing it right now.

I just really needed to get my mind off everything. Every little detail of my life just erased…that would be nice.

Why was I acting all weird? Because one of the biggest dances of the year, Formal, was fast approaching and nobody has asked me out. See, it's a girls' choice dance. They ask out the hot male population of the school and the freaks left over—namely me—go alone and stand by the food tables to munch away their troubles, staying away from the obviously spiked punch. Either that, or they do what I do and instead of being all masochistic even thinking a girl who went alone—unlikely—would come over and ask them to dance, stay home and play video games and eat junk food.

No girl will ever ask a gamer who always wore strange goggles and the same red and black striped sweater everyday to dance. Insert sigh here. I used to have all the girls fawning over me. I still have the freshmen girls drooling the first few days of school, until they hear those nasty rumors about me.

Damn it, why'd I bring that girl home with me? You see, I have had many girlfriends in the past. They all loved my looks, and thought I was funny…sometimes. That was enough for them for a few dates, but then we broke up, no dumping involved. I was brought up to respect a girl…to an extent. Hormones are still the most prominent thing in my brain when members of the opposite sex are around. But that still means I would never dump a girl. We just drifted apart until one day we both said at the same time, "Sorry, but it's just not working out."

Oh, but two years ago, all that changed. It was after a dinner date with a really beautiful girl, perfect body, pretty good brain (I like them smart too, okay?), and her eyes weren't that bad either. We finished dinner earlier than we thought and decided to go to my place to hang for a while. I thought we were going to talk, like while we were eating (swallowing first, duh), but when we got to my room, she immediately ran for it.

The next day, the whole freshman class knew that my room was a geek haven. I had video games, consoles, and cheat guides etc everywhere. And there were books strewn all over the place. Nobody knew I was a book junkie, because they all thought I was an athlete. Does golf really count that much as a sport to girls? Well, at my school, it does…well, did, at least for me. And then of course there's the fact that I was obsessed with gaming. And no girl likes that. At least the ones that wanted me didn't want that part of me.

Since then, I haven't gotten a single number. How sad, right? So right.

During my wallowing, I keep listening to the most emo music I have—no offense to emos—and sit on the toilet seat, pants still on obviously, backpack at my feet. Soon, the bell rings, lunch is over, and I have to go to my next class. Oh, damn, it was Spanish, my worst subject. No matter how much I can remember about video games and the gamer and computer hacker—oh, yeah, I do that on the side for fun—lingo, and no matter that I was practically fluent in Japanese, Spanish was my worst subject.

This day just keeps getting better and better. Note the sarcasm.

"Hola, Mateo. ¿Cómo estas?" the teacher asks me. I shrug my shoulders. I rarely talk in this class. I just can't remember the words and everything just gets jumbled in my head. Finally, the next bell rings and I pack up my unused journal and scribbled in workbook and doodled on textbook and leave without a word. It's not like anyone but the teacher will talk to me.

As I'm walking out of the classroom, I realize the good and bad sides of having a free period next. Good, because I can relax and not think for a while, or find a nice quiet corner in the library to read. Bad, because I have a whole period of boredom awaiting me if I can't find a good book.

Whatever, I just head to library, my own little piece of heaven. Well, the public library's so much better than the school library, but this is close as it's gonna get in the hellhole also deemed high school.

Aw, damn, there're no good books that I haven't read yet. Sighing, I turn around to see someone in an all-black outfit reading some book that looks like it might be a good read. They're immersed in it, so I'm free to stare.

Stare because the person reading it is pretty cute. Her black skinny jeans hugged her legs perfectly, her boots adding that extra edge to her that I so craved at the moment. Okay, I only craved it because she was reading a Shakespeare book that I knew nobody was assigned to read for class, meaning on her own accord, meaning she has brains. And there are, like, no badass girls at this damn school, just preps and drama freaks and band geeks, etc. Every clique was there except the badass girls…and guys, but it's not like I was going there.

So here was a badass chick—okay, badass is now officially overused—reading Shakespeare with black painted nails and slender, yet muscular arms holding the book up. I couldn't see her face, but her blonde hair with brown lowlights seemed shoulder-length. She seemed cute enough. Hot enough. I just wanted to see what she looks like standing up, maybe next to me, my arm around her waist.

Oh, shit! She senses me staring and looks up from her book, giving me a "look" with a raised eyebrow, the expression just screaming, "What the hell are you looking at?" Her face is slightly masculine, but she seems to pull it off rather nicely. And her eyes…they pierce through me with that icy glare. So much better than those other girl's eyes from earlier!

Realizing I'm still staring, I manage to croak out, "Uh…hi. Bye." And that's when I walk away. Smooth…real smooth, Matt.

She must be new here; I haven't seen her before. Oh, man, I forgot to get her name! I mean, maybe we could actually be friends…or more…before she learned about me. And maybe if I told her, she wouldn't mind too much…Okay, sighing time; what am I thinking? Of course she's not gonna like me, no one does!

So, anyways, it comes as a real shocker when, at the end of the day, I see the punk girl I had seen earlier talking to the worst group in school. Yeah, they're the ones that actually make fun of me and call me gay and shit like that. I'm not gay, you mother fuckers! Damn them. Who are these people, you ask? Well, none other than ultimate tennis jock Light Yagami, his freaking hot girlfriend Misa Amane, his best friend—though I really can't figure out why—L Lawliet, his stalker Teru Mikami, and just a random hot girl Kiyomi Takada who everyone knows is crushing on Light. So, all around the people who obsess over His Lordship, Light.

Yagami is "I'm a gay" backwards. He's one to talk.

Right, back to now, the punk girl is talking with the Lighto group for some reason. Damn her, I thought she might have some sense, but apparently the info about the whole school already got to her. They're all cracking up as the push her away rudely. Oh, those bastards! They could at least be nice to her! She's new!

Then the girl starts stomping over to me, her boots clunking against the floor, her face in a snarl, and a textbook clutched to the front of her chest with a black backpack hanging off her shoulders. Now that I could finally see her face for a longer period of time, I saw that it was still pretty masculine. I really didn't expect it. I mean, she seemed like the one to have a rounder face, but with a slight edge to it…not all-around edgy. Her ice-blue eyes just adding to that edge.

Anyway, she's walking towards me, of all things! And in her hand, which she then reaches to her mouth, was a bar of chocolate, of which she snaps a piece off. Damn that was sexy. She smiles at me in a way that said, "I know you want this, but you can't have it!" but instead, she says out loud, "I'm Mello, new kid, just moved here from Europe. I like it there better. Anyway, wanna go to Formal with me?" Her voice…now that I could've lived without. It was a strange falsetto, almost as if a guy was pretending to be a girl.

I just stared in shock at her. So that's what the Lighto freaks had cooked up; make the new strange girl ask out the least popular guy in school. It was so unfair. Wait, a girl just asked me out…a hot girl I've been daydreaming about for the past couple of hours…Words have escaped me, I swear, otherwise I would say, "Fuck, yes!" Sadly, all I can do is stare wide-eyed and nod my head.

She smiles almost sweetly at that and starts to write down the address to her house. She's so lucky I have my own car, being a junior and all. I just turned seventeen in February. Mello…such an exotic name…Oh, shit! I haven't said my name yet! "Oh, I'm Matt, by the way," I mutter.

"I already know," she says with a smirk and walks away. I watch after her, my date, and hopefully new girlfriend.

_____

Well, even if Mello was my date, it wasn't like we hung out at all. It was just a week away from the dance when she asked me, so we only had a week to be together, if at all. No classes together…that totally sucks. However, she's taking all the same classes as me, for the smart-asses as many kids called it 'cause we're in classes with seniors. That's a lot of "classes." At least we have a free period together that we spend in the library, reading silently next to each other.

I still can't shake off that horrible feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong at the dance. After all, this most likely had something to do with Light's group. And why would Mello want to be a part of them anyway? They totally dress differently and hate reading—no matter how brilliant Light and L are said to be—and just make fun of people because they're bored. Idiots. And don't get me started on Misa!

Finally, the day arrives, well, the evening. My parents got me this awesome convertible for my birthday this year, but seeing as I'm not a senior, I can't drive it to school yet. Damn rules. Dances, I'm allowed to drive to, though. Anyways, I follow the directions Mello gave me and end up pulling into the driveway of a townhouse with a set of stairs outside leading to the second floor. Mello lives on the bottom floor, she said.

It's sorta weird seeing how the other half lives. I mean, I might be a total outcast, but I sure have money. I mean, I thought I already said I have every game console known to man—and some known only to the Japanese, who are like gods in my eyes—and a brand new awesome car. But Mello…well, only having one floor of a tiny house, not a mansion, and using used textbooks at school, not even with a second set at home…

I decide to actually walk up to the door and ring the bell, no matter how freaked out I am, instead of honking my horn and upsetting the neighbors. I think the doorbell's broken. Damn, time to knock it seems like. I don't like knocking because it just seems so…impersonal. I mean, would you rather open the door to a guy who just rang a doorbell and was waiting patiently for you, or one who just banged on the door and was now standing there clutching his hand—that he needed for both golf and video games?

Whatever, after a few seconds, some guy inside yells, "I got it, Mom! Sheesh!" And that's when the door opens; I open the screen door, pulling it out from the frame. Wow, my family has a glass and wood door, not a wooden door with a screen that comes off at the lightest touch. This is really how the other half lives. Right, don't be superficial, Matt. Anyway, I carefully place the screen door I broke next to the door.

And guess what? Whatever guy had yelled that they were getting the door was not actually at the door, ready to yell at me for breaking his house. Nope, Mello's standing right in front of me with an amused look on her face, wearing a tight, black spandex dress with no sleeves—don't ask me how it stays up with her flat chest—and a red cross on the front, which matches the rosary around her neck. Okay, that's some more info about her: she must be Catholic. Now _that_ really wasn't expected, what with how she dressed.

Her feet are actually contained in different boots from the rest of week, these with buckles going all the way up to almost the knees. How can someone feel comfortable in those, seriously? And her hair is pulled back in a cute ponytail. It was a weird addition to her outfit, but still fit. I smile and hold out the corsage I had picked out for her. I thought she might like the violets. After all, purple is the color of royalty, and she seemed to hold herself pretty high and mighty…Geek humor.

Her heavily eyeliner-lined eyes stare at the flowers for a moment before she reaches out her wrist so I could pull the elastic around it. When the flowers are in place, I keep my hands there, just wanting to caress the soft skin of her wrist. But I know that's creepy, so I let one hand drop and bring the other down to her hand, leading her to my car.

Mello gasps as she takes in the awesomeness that is my flaming red convertible. She lets her free hand drag along the hood as I walk her around the front to her door. As I open the door for her and she sits down, she says, "I'm more into motorbikes than cars, but this is seriously a fucking awesome ride." I would tell her to watch her language, but I know that's her way of speaking, and I'm not really one to talk. Also, coming from her just makes her seem even sexier, if that is possible in her current state…

"Yeah, my parents got it for me for my birthday back in February. Took a lot of begging though…they wanted me to get some safer car or whatever…But I'm a teenager, no car's gonna change how unsafe I am!" I laugh at my own lame joke. For some reason, Mello does too.

Through her laughter, which wasn't as giggly as I thought it would be, but deeper and louder, more…realistic, she gasps out, "Lucky! I have to buy my own ride." I don't think I've had to use my own money to buy anything in my life. Of course, I don't have a job, so that also affects everything.

Trying to make small talk as I pull out of her driveway, I ask, "Have you found a job yet?" It's not over pompous to assume she needs one, right?

"Nah, not yet. I'm looking, though. Any suggestions?" she asks, turning to me and raising an eyebrow suggestively. Oh, shit; I think she wants to know where I work so we can hang out more. But that makes no sense, because otherwise, she would've done more than just sit with me in the library this past week, and this is all because she's being forced to, isn't it? It's either shameless flirting or she really does want to spend time with me.

Fuck my life.

I stammer out all the info I know—translating into random tidbits I've heard recently. "Uh…well, I heard the…um…grocery store's looking for more baggers…and er…there's probably some pretty good paying jobs at the mall…My mom once told me that shoe salesmen get paid better than others 'cause they have to touch people's stank feet…" I laugh nervously at that.

She turns to me again, this time an accusatory look set on her beautiful face. "You've never had a job, have you?" she asks. I look back at the road, unable to answer her. "Thought so," she sighs out.

We're silent for a while. I realize that Light and his gang, who she was trying so hard to fit in with, have never had jobs either. They're all rich like me, with rich daddies who buy them anything. Mello's just as much an outcast as me, but for different reasons. If we both didn't share who we really were, and dressed like everyone else, and acted like everyone else, I bet we could be in that gang too. I was once, and she was trying to right now. It was never meant to be, for either of us.

But maybe we could still survive through high school if we had each other? I would love her to be my girlfriend.

The silence was turning awkward. I decide I need to talk once more. "I'm an only child…it gets pretty lonely. What about you? I think I heard a brother before you came to the door," I ask. Yeah, family's such a safe topic on a first date. Oh, shut up.

"Huh?" she asks before looking out her side of the car, but not before I notice a light blush coloring her cheeks. So angelic… "It's just me, my mom, and my little twerp of a brother, Nate." She said that with such resentment; I could tell she really hated both of them. Wait, _little_ brother? How much testosterone was he packing? Maybe this wasn't such a _safe_ topic…

Well, whatever. We're at the school finally. There's a few couples sitting on the curb, lighting up and taking their last drags of their cigarettes for the night before going into our "drug free" high school. Mello scoffs and says, "I don't get what's so great about those cancer sticks. Whoever smokes them is a complete and utter idiot." Okay, so now's not the time to tell her that I smoke every once in a while. At least never in my car. My parents would smell it if they ever came close. I'm not that addicted, so I guess I could break the habit for her…

"Don't tell me you're not addicted to anything," I say as I park. Maybe I could knock her off her high horse for once. This seemed like a very interesting mind game.

She opened her door herself before I got to her side and slammed the door behind her, stomping over to me and wrapping her arm around mine. "Fine, I'm addicted to chocolate. Happy?" I grinned like an idiot. Damn it! "What about you, Mr. Perfect?"

I look away from her, slowing my pace. She drags me along, ice trying to pierce into my eyes, but I won't even glance at her. Finally, when we reach the sidewalk leading to the gym entrance, she reaches up one of her hands and grabs my chin, twisting my head to look at her. "Just tell me. It's fine if you do drugs. Just don't try to get me into that crap. After all, this is just one date; it doesn't mean we're actually dating!" she laughs out.

I don't think Mello realized what a blow that was to me. "It's not that. It's just…well…the last girl who found out my…addictions…sorta caused me to lose all social status I had," I manage to mumble out. She continues to hold my face in her strong grip and stare me down. Now is one of those times I wished I actually was wearing my goggles. Fuck, I left them at home. Her eyes bore into mine and I'm left without any free will. "I…am obsessed with video games, okay? And trashy romance novels," I add under my breath.

"And what's wrong with video games?" she asks, a smile spreading across her face. "I've never been good at them, but I'm always amazed at the pros…" We start walking again. I hope she realized how she just made me feel. I really wish I had the guts to ask her to be my girlfriend. She's like the perfect girl for me, seriously. "And what was that other thing? Trashy romance novels?" She laughs. Oh, damn, she heard me.

"Listen, it's not what you think—" I start to say, but she interrupts me.

"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because I was hiding one behind that Shakespeare you saw me reading the day we met!" she manages to say between laughs. I join her, realizing she really is "the One" that all the guys in the world are after. How can she not be? I mean, she likes the same books as me, is impressed by my video game prowess, is smart, is beautiful with amazing eyes, is completely different from anyone else, and I think I'm falling in love.

I stop dead in my tracks as that lost thought goes through my head. I'm in love with this girl, Mello. I'm really in love. I never thought it could ever happen for me. I mean, you guys know how high my expectations are. But she's met every single one…and beyond…

"What's wrong?" she asks. Uh…great, think of a lie, quickly!

I let go of her arm and begin to pat the pockets of my dress pants and jacket, pretending to be looking for something. "I don't remember where I put the tickets," I say quickly. She glares at me, and I know I'm in deep shit if I forgot them at home. Oh, crap, that wasn't even a lie. Finally, I find them in my breast pocket of my shirt. We both let out the breaths we didn't know we were holding. I give Mello an apologetic smile and reach for her hand, holding it firmly in mine. Her hands aren't as small and feminine as I would like, seeing as I don't have the largest hands around, but they just seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces.

Mello keeps our hands entwined, but looks away with a frown. What's wrong? Was it something I said? But after a minute, when we're almost at the doors, she perks up and smiles at me. I wish I could say she smiled _up_ at me, but sadly, we seem to be the same height, her being actually taller than me in her boots. Damn female footwear. I know I'm not the tallest guy around, but being shorter than your date/future girlfriend—please, oh, please!—really is a major blow to a man's ego.

Anyway, I hand the teacher at the door our tickets. Why does it have to be one of my teachers, one of the ones that know I'm a total social reject? He gives me a weird look, taking in the other social reject I'm holding close before stamping each of our free hands and nodding us inside, where streamers and tablecloths of the school colors were everywhere. Whoever thought orange and green looked good together was colorblind.

If the disgusting hip-hop was loud outside the doors, it was like a tsunami just washed over us when we stepped inside. Why do they have to play this crap? What's wrong with alternative?

"What's up with this crap?" Mello shouts over the music as I lead her to an empty table. "They don't play this bull at European school dances!" Oh, god, another reason she's the One.

I smile and yell, "Welcome to America, home of country and rap! This is where all the people that couldn't make it as musicians end up! We've evolved from letting our people practice religion freely to letting our people practice singing freely! Though I don't think they realize it's actually at the cost of our eardrums!" We both laugh and then start discussing our favorite bands. We had way more in common than we thought. Though Mello actually likes more hard rock and some metal, and I'm for more of the alternative genre, we did meet on some common ground in some places. Skillet and Aerosmith FTW! Just not the same game, haha.

After a bit, Mello states rather bluntly, "I'm hungry; get me food." I was the guy in the relationship, yet it seemed that she was the dominant one by that command. Well, that sucks. But I guess I'll take what I can get. I mean, what did I really expect? I bring back a burger and fries for me and a salad for her—girls eat salads, right? Wrong. She reaches for my food and I am stuck with the salad. At least she has an appetite, unlike many of the girls I've dated.

After eating, while we're still full, we talk some more. She might've called me Mr. Perfect earlier as a joke, but Mello's seriously my Miss Perfect, soon to be Mrs. Perfect—not in a married sense, but in a taken sense as in she will be my girlfriend by the end of the night.

Soon, she pulls me onto the dance floor eagerly. Man does she have a set of hips on her. There happened to be a few slow songs where I was able to pull her close, hands around her small waist, her arms around my neck. It was actually really romantic. We gazed into each other's eyes and forgot the rest of the world. Well, at least I know I did. I got lost in her eyes and forgot that the only reason she had asked me to the dance was because of that horrible group of students.

When the slow dance was over, a rock song we both immediately recognized starts playing. It's one of the weirdest songs and I never truly understood it, but it was still awesomely epic and appeared in that 90's movie, _Mrs. Doubtfire_. Mello peeks around my head at the DJ booth and I follow her gaze to see Light and Misa standing there, Light smirking and waving right at us. I don't know what he's planning, but he better not ruin my night with my dream girl!

Mello drops her head to the ground between our still feet, but just like earlier, immediately perks up and smiles seductively at me.

_Cruised into a bar on the shore  
Her picture graced the grime on the door  
She a long lost love at first bite  
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right  
That's right_

Sadness flickers in her eyes, but is immediately overshadowed by a stronger, harder emotion I can't completely make out, almost determination. She leans in closer to me and starts to close her eyes. Oh my god, I think we're gonna kiss! I haven't been kissed by a girl in years! What if I've lost my touch? Oh, who cares? I know Mello won't.

_Backstage we're having the time  
Of our lives until somebody say  
Forgive me if I seem out of line  
Then she whipped out her gun  
And tried to blow me away_

Everything's moving in slow motion. And I know that because I can hear the music blasting in our ears. That verse…I don't know why, but that attitude seems so Mello…

Right before our lips connect, however, Mello jerks away from me. Tears are starting to glisten in her eyes and I can't figure out why. She turns away from me before turning back and saying the worst thing the girl of my dreams can ever say, "I can't do this! Matt, you're like my perfect guy, but I'm not your perfect girl." She grabs my hand and presses it to her crotch, as to prove her next words. "I'm a guy," she says, her voice finally low, masculine, like the one I heard shouting at his mom earlier that night. I feel her—his dick through the dress. Never have I felt more awkward and heartbroken at the same time.

_(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady_

I instantly draw my hand away in disgust, tears starting to prickle the corners of my own eyes as salt-water is streaming down Mello's cheeks now. I just shake my head and back away slowly. But I hit another couple dancing to the music that I can't hear anymore because of the ringing in my ears, and that jolts me awake again.

I run through the mass of sweaty teens to the men's room. Once there, I collapse on the floor, not even bothering going in a stall, and cry, really cry. Mello, my perfect girl, was actually a guy. I was tricked this whole time. What if everything she—he said was all a lie? Maybe he really hated gamers and actually was reading that Shakespeare play, or was hiding some other type of book in there.

Fuck my life times infinity. Why did Light and his gang have to do this? They knew Mello was a guy the whole time and they made him pretend just to get back at me for not doing anything! Why does this seem so much like a sappy teen romance book?!

No, this was real life. That means that I'm not going to turn magically gay and neither will Mello and he's not going to come through that door begging for me to stay with him, that even though he was forced to ask me out he was actually in love with me as much as I thought I was in love with him and now he wants me help to beat up Light Yagami after we make out. Sighing time.

After a few minutes, the door bangs open and music from the gym comes blasting in before it shuts once more. I don't look up, thinking it's just another guy needing to take a leek.

"They forced me to do it," I hear instead. It's that voice I've only heard twice before, Mello's real voice. I ignore him, but wipe my eyes, trying to get the tears to go away, but to no avail. "If I didn't trick you, they were going to out me to the whole school." I continued to ignore him. "You think I was doing that to get into their group? But why would prep Light Yagami, homophobe extraordinaire, want a Goth punk fag like me with him?"

Wait…Mello was really gay? I still had a shot with him then! Well, if I liked guys, that is, which I don't. I still don't say anything.

"Please, you have to understand. They told me that they were going to play that song, and during then, I had to kiss you, and then tell you the truth. I just couldn't do it. I wanted you to know I was a guy before I kissed my love." Holy shit! Mello loved me back! Oh, who cares about gender, seriously? I fell in love with the person Mello was, not his gender. I had already gotten over his flat-chested-ness and still thought he was beautiful. All that I needed to get used to was his penis.

Though that might take some time…

I finally look at him to see that he is totally sincere. His cheeks are now stained with his black makeup, hair escaping its ponytail. He still looks beautiful, no matter that he wasn't a girl. I stand and walk to him, caressing his face in my hands. He'd taken off his boots and was now only about an inch taller than me. I guess I can get used to that, too, seeing as I wasn't the guy in the relationship. I knew he was dominant by nature, even when pretending to be a girl.

Our lips finally meet, both of us surprised by my reaction. Maybe I really was gay this whole time and never realized it. Or maybe bisexual? That's more likely. His lips are soft and tender, fitting perfectly with mine. It's just a sweet first kiss, no tongue action involved. I pull away slowly, opening my eyes into his blue ones. They're not as icy as before, but soon regain the coldness I had learned I love. I love all of him, Mello, my dream _guy_.

We entwine our hands once more and walk out of the bathroom, into the side hallway that leads to the gym. Mello walks proudly, not caring about the streaks on his cheek. I can't help but ask, "About the eyeliner…"

He laughs and reassures, "I only wear it for special occasions." I don't know if that's comforting or not. But my thoughts are immediately frozen when the two of us take in who was standing right outside the doors to the men's room.

Light Yagami and L Lawliet are making out, L pushing Light against the wall and totally dominating the kiss. Moans are issuing from both of them as L's knee pushes between Light's legs.

Mello and I look at each other wide-eyed and then back at the two guys in front of us before slowly sneaking out the back entrance and into the cool night air. Mello pulls his hair out from its ponytail and shakes it down, looking very sexy as he does it, might I add. Yeah, I can get used to the fact that he's a guy pretty easily it seems like.

With a maniacal laugh, he says, "Now _we_ have the blackmail against those two! This shall be fun…" I laugh with him and we head towards my car. "Now, as my new boyfriend, we have to make it official. How about we drive to the beach, okay? I haven't had any good lip action in forever!" Yes, this shall be fun, my new boyfriend and I, together forever.

_So never judge a book by its cover  
Or who you're going to love by your lover_

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

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**Author's Note: Finally, I finished! It's actually longer than I anticipated, and I need to revise the summary, but you guys will never find out the original summary, so who cares? Any comments or concerns please review! Or if you have any questions or just wanna say how awesome this was! Teehee.**

**If any of you awesome readers have read my other stories, then you know that in many LxLight stories I write, MelloxMatt make a minor appearance. Examples: Life Note, Frozen Hearts ((though they're like 10 and 11…)), Jump into the Fire ((oh shit, that was a spoiler for the epilogue! DAMN!)), Death Machine, most likely Sell My Soul for Your Heart, We Are Broken. Now I have a MelloxMatt story that has an LxLight minor appearance.**

**And like all my other—recent—one-shots, I've put some part of the song at the end. Though this time, I'm literally quoting and not having Matty say whatever it is in his head. Haha, anyways, I hope you've loved this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**OH! And if you guys really want, I was thinking about a sequel! It would be more LxLight centric, seeing as they would be getting their revenge on them. But it would also address the clash of the classes thing, for I have not really resolved that part, even though I pretty much randomly put it in for slight comedic effect…I think…So, in your reviews, please give your thoughts on this as well as ideas that could be used for any aspect of the story. Thanx!**


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